I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
