I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
