I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
