I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
