He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
