just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
