is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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