You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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