Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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