when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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