Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
