just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
