Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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