Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
