one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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