Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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