fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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