i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
