I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
