A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
