don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
