question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
