Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
