He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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