I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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