I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
