This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
