I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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