I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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