I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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