Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
