My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
