Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wear drunk well.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
