Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
