im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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