I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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