no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
