I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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