and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
