I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
