I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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