Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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