the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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