well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
