Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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