I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize