I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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