We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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