you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
