I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
