If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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