I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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