Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
