he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
