i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
