I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
