I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was CRYING into my vagina
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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