I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
