hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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