Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
