the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
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People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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