I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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